Pet Peeve: Food.

I'll start off by saying I've never had any form of eating disorder, diagnosed or undiagnosed. I don't know that half of the food struggle spectrum, but I can definitely see the reasoning and thoughts that lead many dancers into the downward spiral. If you or anyone you know has suffered from an eating disorder, I am truly sorry and hope that recovery is in the future, underway, and/or successful. I'm not offering any kind of revolutionary change, or steps to help anyone change, I'm just sharing my personal story and the steps I hope I can take in the future.

It's no secret that food is a problem for dancers. I've featured a few recipes on this blog, but I never really talked about food in general. It's a touchy subject for me as well, probably because I experience something many young girls, women, and certainly dancers suffer from:

Food guilt. This article from DanceSpirit, Food Fight, gave me the term, because before coming across this term, I really felt like I had a mild eating disorder. In a way, I suppose I still do feel that way. For both dance physicality and emotional reasons, food started to take over my mind and my life this past year. I started constantly thinking about food, anticipating my next meal, planning out snacks, counting calories, and doing research on diet, nutrition, and health. I started going to the gym. I made a decision that I needed to lose 5-10 pounds in order to look the part of a dancer. Sounds good right?

Fast forward 9 months (present day): everything has changed except my mindset, and not in a good way. Food guilt is worse than ever. I started eating when I wasn't hungry and doing so regularly. I stopped counting calories, but only because I was too scared to see what I was eating in a day. I slipped back and forth between "no it's okay, I'm beautiful the way I am" and "this is horrifying, I need to lose weight and be healthier" extremely fluidly and rapidly. I ate past when I was full all the time. I gained 4 pounds (doesn't sound horrible, I know). Outwardly, my eating habits may not be that different from a year ago when I barely thought about what I ate, but inwardly, I was a bubbling mass of guilt. I'm not sure why I'm writing in past tense, because the situation is pretty much the same right now, although it's not at its worst.

The worst thing is the feelings I get from food. I automatically think of eating something if I haven't eaten in a few hours or if I see food or items that remind me of food (I have a ceramic cupcake-shaped jar on my desk). I think extremely healthy most of the time ("I'm hungry, what's the healthiest thing I can get? Handful of almonds, good"), but for some reason, if I see the food, it's ridiculously hard for me to turn it down. Even if it isn't food that I particularly love, I feel a constant need to eat. And at the end of the day, the sugar from eating 3 peaches isn't that different from eating a piece of chocolate. Overeating is my source of gaining weight, and the worst part is that I'm hyperaware of that fact. You'd think awareness is the first step towards recovery, but I find myself spiraling down ever farther.

I don't really have much to offer except my goals. I want to start counting my calories again, or at the very least start writing down all the foods I eat. On Monday, my entire family is planning to start a 14 day diet. I don't really believe in these fad diets that promise weight loss by following a strict plan of foods, but I'm doing this one because I believe that having a strict goal plus family guidance and support will help my mind let go of the food. While I'm extremely worried about my weight (I know I shouldn't be), I know that the most important thing at this point is to help my mind develop a healthy working relationship with food. I have the knowledge and willpower to employ a healthy diet, I just need some kind of kick or message to get my emotions in line.

Let it be known that I love food (a little too much) and that everyone else out there with food guilt, you're not alone and you're not crazy. We just all need a little help. Please feel free to share your stories, tips, or contact me personally!

Youtube Best of the Best: Updates 17

I talked about going to Kenya Dance SoCal 2012 in my Updates 15 post last month and finally got around to finding some of those videos of the best pieces that I talked about.

323 Area Kidz, Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
Amazing stuff that teenagers can do. Great choreography, musicality, precision, and execution of their idea. A lot of fun too. Oh, those yellow things that the girls pull out of their pants (yeah, beware) are rolled up 323 Area Kidz tshirts. I got one.

Instant Noodles Crew at Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
They're missing over half of the crew! A little disappointed about that, but they pulled off a clean and funny routine, as always. A lot of old choreo as well, but hey, it works.

I.aM.mE at Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
A lot of old material, some of it from ABDC, some from old choreo vids posted on Youtube, but it's fantastic when put together like that. Slightly different from their NorCal performance that I posted in Updates 15.

Academy of Swag at Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
Like I said before, hands down my favorite piece in the show. The Matrix is one of my favorite movie series ever, and combining their interpretation of the movie's characters and famous moments with badass hip hop is mind blowing. They had the best precision possible, amazing moves, and even managed to capture the attitudes and signature habits of Agent Smith. The girl agents are a plus. Oh, and you might recognize the idea of the chair section from their amazing piece at Hip Hop International 2011.

DS2UDIO: Keone and Mari
Keone Madrid and Mariel Martin share a short clip of their thoughts on dance.

Mos Wanted Crew - Cockiness (ABDC Week 7)
Mos Wanted is probably one of the strongest gatherings of individually famous people that I've ever seen in the hip hop world. After being hit with criticism in Week 6, they came back strong, using their challenge prop in both classic and innovative ways. They really are there to win (was there ever any doubt?).

Introducing the newest member of The Pulse faculty...
If you haven't already heard, you're gonna flip out.

Best friend quitting dance?

DanceSpirit posted a great article quite a while ago titled 911: My best friend quit!, about how to deal with losing a "dance bud," as they phrase it. No, it's nothing dramatic, like they quit because their boyfriend tells them to or because they're grievously injured. It's a natural progression - many people who start dancing young do it as a fun activity or because their parents put them in class, and then when they finally start to think for themselves and get into harder levels where time, work, pain, and dedication start to come into play, they decide that dance isn't worth it to them. For many people, this is a good decision.

I suppose I've never really felt this loss - I started dance on my own and rarely made close friends in my dance classes ("dance friends" vs. "best friends"). Recently though, I came home from college and found that I missed the dance community back in school. It was supportive, inspiring, and was the one dance-related place I did make a close friend. Being apart from her is a little tough.

But how do you feel about dance? How would you deal with losing a best dance friend?

1. Step 1: Determine your values. Ask yourself what you're in dance for. Are you in class because it's a social environment? Because there's parental or peer pressure? Because you enjoy it? Because you see it as a career path? If you're in it for one of the first two reasons, perhaps you should consider dropping dance, or at least spending less time in it and searching for other options that may be of more interest to you.
2. Step 2: Change/hone your focus. If you've made it past Step 1, I assume you dance because you enjoy/like/love it. Make sure that your main focus in the studio is on yourself and your dancing. Of course you need to watch and communicate with other dancers in order to learn and grow, but if you find yourself talking about that horrible math test tomorrow or the cute guy in your history class, bring yourself back down to Earth and focus on your dancing.
3. Step 3: Don't compete. Dance shouldn't be about getting your leg a half inch higher than the best dancer in the class. You are your own competition. If you feel lost, uninspired, or unmotivated to perform without a certain friend (or rival) in class, you need to reevaluate why you're in dance and start to focus more on yourself.
4. Step 4: Don't take it personally. It's very unlikely that you were a contributing factor to their decision to quit. If anything, being friends with you made it harder for them to quit (and if they quit because of you, you don't want to be friends with them anyway). Also, don't feel like you can't be friends with them if they don't love dance as much as you do. That's totally untrue, even if you started dance together and became friends that way. Do your best to understand that your passions may be different, support them in whatever they choose, and hope they support you too!
5. Step 5: Socialize outside the studio. Like the situation described in the article, losing a friend in dance is not easy at first, but it can actually strengthen your relationship if you make an effort to see your friend outside of dance. True friends will not be just "dance friends" who are your friends in the room and nothing more. If you care about your friend, let him/her know that you support their decision, but want to continue to be a part of their life.
6. Step 6: Make friends everywhere! No matter where you go, it's a good idea to have a small circle of friends. At work, at school, in old schools/hometowns, at new and old studios. If you lose one, you've got some to fall back on so you'll never be completely alone.

If some of these steps seem hard for you, or you just feel irrationally (or rationally!) angry about a friend quitting, talk to a friend, teacher, counselor, parent, dog, etc. Changes in your daily routine can shake you up more than you can imagine, and you never realize how much you need something or someone until you lose it/him/her. Never feel like you're being stupid or weak for feeling a certain way.

Do you have any friend quitting dance stories? How did you deal?

Youtube Best of the Best: Updates 16

Anthony Lee - Somebody that I Used to Know
Minimalistic, precise, clean, musical. There isn't much movement persay, but it's undeniably dance, and good dance at that.

Royal Ballet Daily Class
I was trained RAD style in ballet for all my years (before this year) of training. This is an insider perspective of one of the greatest ballet companies in the world. Makes me feel a little inadequate. Just a little. WARNING: this video is an hour long. No, I have not watched the whole thing yet (finals week). Yes, I will eventually.

Get in Front Performance Promo at San Francisco Ballet
Behind the scenes of a photoshoot with beautiful dancers.

Christopher Wheeldon - After the Rain
Damian Smith and Yuan Yuan Tan. Ah yes, the stars of SF Ballet (in my mind at least). My favorite ballerina with her normal partner (who is also amazing) and one of my favorite choreographers, on an outdoor stage, at sunset, set to exquisite music. Doesn't get much better.

Jon M. Chu - DS2UDIO - TO PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO DANCE...
I am so thrilled this is happening. Jon M. Chu, the founder of LXD and director of Step Up 3D (perhaps you've heard of him?), is creating "the world's first dance lifestyle channel," to premiere this summer on YouTube. Dance is finally coming to light as not just entertainment, but as a high form of art and expression. It's happening!

Interesting Links 2

My earlier post Interesting Links was popular enough that I thought I could share more!

Foodie with Family - Homemade Larabars - recipe alert!
You've probably heard of Larabars. They're simple, healthy, additive/fake food-free, and so delicious that I can call one 'dessert' with no problem. As I was sitting here eating my Pineapple Upside Down Cake Larabar (amazing, by the way), I found myself wondering why I paid over $1.50 for an energy bar made out of 3 ingredients (dates, almonds, pineapple). Which lead me to this great recipe for homemade Larabars. Best thing is you really can make your favorite Larabar - as long as you have dates, you can add almost anything else you want (coconut, dried fruit, chocolate, and nuts are common in Larabars) - and it's so simple. No cook/bake/heat-recipe. Just mash, cut, mix, shape, refrigerate, and cut and serve. I can imagine rolled oats, peanut butter, chopped almonds, and a bit of protein powder to make a high protein yet tasty bar. Hopefully I'll forego Nutella. I make no promises.

Northern Ballet in 'Arts Troubleshooter' documentary this weekend
For my friends lucky enough to be able to turn on their TV's and get the BBC, this documentary looks intriguing.

ABC Family's Bunheads
Speaking of TV, have you heard of this new show? It premiers on June 11th, so we have a little ways to go. It looks like it showcases a little of what dancers go through and sacrifice for their careers...but not every down-on-her-luck dancer has a rich guy waiting to marry and support her. I'm not sure this is an idea I'm happy about...what do you think?

Scott D. Pierce for The Salt Lake Tribune - Ballet West exposes itself - on TV
Yeah, one more TV announcement. You probably won't believe me anymore when I tell you I almost never watch TV. But this documentary looks really interesting as well. For anyone who aspires to join a ballet company, this reality show will give you the ups and downs, best and worst of the world that is professional ballet. I'm not a drama addict, but I have to say I want to see this.

Joseph Carman for Dance Magazine - The Classicist Who Dared
David Hallberg, a male principal with ABT, was recently asked to join the world famous Bolshoi Ballet in Russia. Trained by the Paris Opera and dancing with ABT, Hallberg has joined the Bolshoi and touches on a few major differences between Russian technique and treatment and the American way. If this doesn't shock you, it should - the Russians have never let anyone else join their companies. Amazing news and article.

Dealing with Anxiety - First Competition

A while ago I did a post called Dealing with Anxiety - Performing Nerves, about how to calm stage fright both on stage and in the classroom. A reader asked about tips for preparing mentally and emotionally for her first competition. Great question, I hope I can help!

Let me say first of all that I am not from the competition world. I can probably count the number of competitions I've done on my ten fingers. The competitions I did do were small regional ones and NYCDA on the regional and national levels - so if anyone is interested about Star Systems or Showstopper...you can probably stop here. I also used to be a figure skater and competed solo from ages 5-13 (and then quit due to money, lack of commitment, and fear of falling on the ice).

In my last post, I wrote this concerning competions:
Competitions - Don't worry so much about "ruining" it for the group. The more you worry, the more likely you are to mess up. Also, don't overthink the piece right before you go on stage. Take a few deep breaths instead of doing one last triple pirouette. Worry less, concentrate more on what you're about to do, and clear your mind of all other thought. Maybe run in place, do some cardio to warm yourself up and get yourself focused on your body.
The same holds true, but let me be more specific.

You've been practicing for at least a few months if you're thinking about competition. You know your stuff (if not, make sure you practice it at least in your head so that you do). The biggest thing in competition is unexpected accidents/surprises - not as much is at stake in a performance, so everyone is more likely to freak out in a competition setting. Ask your instructor to run a series of tests on the group and to prepare information that you'll need. For example:

1. do the piece facing another direction or in another room.
2. do it in a smaller space and in a bigger space
3. ask your teacher to (without telling you) shut off the music at a random time sometime during the next few runs (don't tell the rest of the group). See how people respond. Make sure you keep going or find a graceful way to exit.
4. practice walking on, bowing, and walking off
5. simulate a dancer being hurt. Ask someone to sit out and make the group fill the gap.
6. practice in full costume and hair to test for malfunctions, or simulate a costume malfunction.
7. find out what kind of floor is used on the stage and the dimensions of the stage. Tape it out on the floor of the studio (if possible).

Make sure your group dynamics are good. The last thing you want is a group full of cliques where every person is not only competing against the other groups in the competition, but each other as well. Don't bring the competition inside the group, it'll only make the entire group fall flat on its face. If you're competing solo, make sure you have good support in the audience or backstage. Dance like you're only dancing to them, not to the judges. The last step is to forget you're competing. Entirely. When it comes to showtime, treat it just like that - another show. There's nothing different, they're not out to get you, they don't hate you.

Like I said before, it's best if you create some kind of warm up routine for competitions. Compile the best warm ups for your body into a 3-5 minute phrase, and make sure that you don't take up too much space (it's usually pretty small backstage). Always wear your favorite jacket (those hotel ballrooms can become freezing), bring a jump rope, drink tea, listen to music, remember to go to the bathroom. That way, you don't have to think about what you're doing right before and freak out about not being warm or focused. Take that time while you're warming up to relax, go through the dance maybe (not if you get nervous doing so), think about the style and flair that you can add to the piece. Do not ever think about the judges or your final score/placement. It's useless to think about it before and will make you more nervous. On the flip side, don't let yourself relax too much - not being nervous before you dance prevent you from being at your optimum level of performance. A few butterflies will give you a sharper edge.

Don't worry. There's no use in worrying about what could happen. What if you fall? You'll find the most graceful way to improvise your way back up. Even if you don't, it's no big deal. This competition is not the end of the world. It does not decide who you will be in the future (unless you're Miss America), it does not reflect on who you are as a person.

Remember to stay positive and have fun. Dance isn't about beating other people down, so don't trash talk other teams before the performance, because it'll put you in a negative mood. Don't think about your own glory if you win or your disappointment if you lose though, because dance isn't about winning either. This is just another performance, the scores are just one judges' set of opinions.

Love who you are and what you're doing. You're a dancer because you love dance (if you don't, you're in the wrong business), so get out there and dance. Don't dance like no one's watching, because it's a silly phrase and it means that you'll be crazy and fall all over the place. Dance like everyone's watching, like you want to share your voice with the world.

Interesting Links

It's been two weeks! I'm sorry. So I had this collection of not-quite Youtube links, some interesting facts...but not enough to make separate news, video, and recipe posts. Here's a compilation of everything I've found interesting in the past few weeks.

Twich with Sophia Grace and Rosie
What could possibly be more adorable? I wish I was that badass in a tutu.

African Orphan turned Ballerina
Of course you've heard of the new documentary First Position. If not, bad dancer. Now you have. Anyway, ABC News dug up a little more on one of the girls featured in the film. The odds she overcame are enormous, and her abilities are even moreso.

Ian Eastwood and Chachi Gonzales - Oh No They Didn't
Everyone's been speculating for a while about Ian Eastwood and Chachi. Are they together? Are they not? This post makes it sound like they're a little more than friends, at least. I, for one, can't handle it. Can you imagine what kind of power couple that would be? If it means Youtube choreo collabs, though, I'm all for it. I may just swoon/faint/die if it ever happens though.

Gimme Some Oven - No Bake Energy Bites (recipe alert!)
Looks like a great, healthy, tasty snack to carry around to class and whenever else you're on the go!

101 Cookbooks - Sesame Almond Brown Rice Balls (another recipe)
This one doesn't look easy by any means, but for those of you who cook and are looking for something fun and challenging that will hold up as a cold snack/quick meal during the week, this looks like it. I love this blog and, even though I'm not a gourmet (I've never made anything off this blog, although I might make an exception for this Rhubarb Rose Water Syrup...), I follow it just for the pictures and interesting creations.

Youtube Best of the Best: Updates 15 - Kenya Dance Edition

This post is a little special. I was lucky enough to be in the audience of Kenya Dream's Ken-Ya Dance SoCal 2012 last Sunday! I don't know how to describe the experience because my brain was blown into a million pieces and scattered/forgotten on the stage. It was so amazing and I was so mindblown (dancegasms x 10000) that I'm going to try and bring you some of my favorite pieces from the show.

Boogiezone Entity | Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
This was the only piece in the entire show that wasn't hip hop, but it was there because Entity is the contemporary dance company sect of Boogiezone. I'm not entirely sure how that works, but moving on. I've talked about my love for choreographer Emily Shock before. This choreography was very similar - quirky, contemporary, hard hitting and smooth at the same time - and contains some absolutely gorgeous partnering. Totally breathtaking concepts and control. They're one to watch.

Kaba Modern | Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
Rising to national fame from Season 1 of ABDC (placing 3rd), Kaba Modern is based in UC Irvine and is known for their style of combining hip hop with other styles of dance (probably mostly contemporary, as seen in this video). They have such great musicality, layering, and rhythm as a whole, and that isn't easy with so many members!

PAC Modern | Kenya Dance SoCal 2012
Good musicality, formation changes, and use of large numbers on stage for visual effect. Their piece had a theme of exploring all of the major styles of hip hop that are widely known/popular: I can identify an African-inspired section (well, it probably has another name), gesture/tutting, bboy, old school locking, etc. Bonus points for a whacking section. I'd say this piece is definitely comparable to Kaba Modern's style and strength.

I.aM.mE at KenYa Dance NorCal
I can't find a video from their performance in SoCal (it was a little different), but I.aM.mE is always good (they were one of the headliners for the show). One of many unique things about this crew is that the girls are (usually) portrayed as no different from the guys - they're not sexified, girly-ified, or less hardcore. Although...what is Chachi doing in the middle of the piece? Taking pictures with Moon? Er...anyways. They combined a lot of their best moments from ABDC (there was more new choreography in their performance in SoCal) and showcased each dancer. My brain is always banged after watching them.

Kenya Dance SoCal - Team Ferosha
I can't say I'd heard of this crew before coming to this show, but I'm so glad I know them now! They performed a piece based on Disney princesses Snow White, Jasmine, Ariel, Tinkerbell, and "prince" Shang (from Mulan). From what I remember of their introduction, they stand for LGBT equality as well as promoting dance. This was one of many themed pieces in the show, and it was put together and performed really well! My favorite was definitely Jasmine's section, but I enjoyed Snow White as a badass too.

Of course, Instant Noodles Crew was also there as one of the headliners. There was a great piece in the first half of the show (can't remember which crew!) that told the story of the Three Brothers and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter nerds + hip hop nerds = awesome show). But my favorite piece hands down was Academy of Swag, who did a Matrix-inspired piece based on the Agents. If I can find these or more videos later, I'll be sure to do another post! Let me know what you think of these crews/pieces!

***Update: Check out Youtube Best of the Best: Updates 17 for the videos from Instant Noodles, Academy of Swag, I.aM,mE, and more!